I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
