Betty ford says i'm here all night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
