And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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