I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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