Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
