I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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