i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
