I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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