Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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