how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
