Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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