are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
