I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
