I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
