Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
