Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
