I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
