That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
