Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize