idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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