Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
