I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
