I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
