Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize