I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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