So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have feelings that need drinking.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
