i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
