I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
