dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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