This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
