He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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