How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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