if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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