i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Panties = found
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
