Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
