i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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