I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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