she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
