My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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