She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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