Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
