Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
