How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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