just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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