we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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