Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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