I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
