Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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