I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There are leaves in my underwear?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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