Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A bitchslap is in order.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize