they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
