just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
