phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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