Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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