This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
