You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize