I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
