R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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