I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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