my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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