im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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