I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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