Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
