community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
