I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
