If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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