i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
