i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
