Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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