LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I need moral support for this bender
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
