I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
