You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
