I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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