I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
