Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
