you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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