I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
