Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
